Words can't describe the feeling you get when you know you failed. It was only day two, and I just couldn't stop myself. Right now I feel selfish and like I let myself down. I hate knowing that God was trying to stop me and I didn't want to listen. HIS plan got me my wife, HIS plan got me my wonderful job, HIS plan has worked everything out for me. But MY plan led me back to porn. I know He was trying to get me to stop, but I didn't listen. How can I respect myself if I can't even respect God? The Creator of all things died for me and I can't say, "Hey, maybe this Guy knows what He's doing?" I'm sorry to myself, to my wife, but most of all to God. He wants me to live a wonderfully happy life and knows that pornography doesn't give me that.
One of my favorite corny jokes is when the patient says to the doctor, "It hurts when I do this." And the doctor replies smugly, "Well, don't do that!" It hurts me and everyone I love when I look at porn. So, by the same logic, I shouldn't do that... duh...
I don't know why I can't stop. I guess that's why it's called an addiction.
My goal of 365 days seems simply unattainable. From a different blog I found, "Instead of saying, 'I'm never looking at porn again,' I should say, 'I'm not looking at porn today.'" Smaller goals seem much easier to obtain than lofty ones. I know I can save two bucks by not ordering a soda, but I don't know I can save $730 dollars a year - at some point, I'm ordering a Dr. Pepper. So, here we go again. My goal right now is to get through tomorrow. My next goal is to beat my last best in this blog - I only need 12 days. From there, I'll take it one day at a time.
I know many of you are also struggling with this same problem. Maybe something I've said helped. Maybe you want me to pray for you. Maybe you need an accountability partner. Maybe you just want me to read your blog. Whatever it is, just let me know! Leave a comment or, for a more private conversation, e-mail me at quittingforgood@live.com. Please pray for me and my journey. And good luck on yours!
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
"Internet pornography is an extremely difficult addiction to overcome. Surprisingly, pornography is not widely accepted as something that can be harmful. I know it has a negative impact on my life and I'm determined to take it on." - Fellow blogger and recovering addict.
It's Good to be a Quitter
This is my public attempt to quit looking at pornography. My goal is one year - 365 days - of porn free life. Please pray for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment