Day 13

I haven't written in a few days - my laptop a/c adapter quit working, so I was without a computer. Turned out to be a good thing, as I think I would have fallen the night it stopped working. I was feeling vulnerable and without a way out. I got a new adapter and now I'm posting! Tomorrow is the two week point for me. Maybe it's not a long time, but if you have the same problem I do, it's huge!

I have really enjoyed my life with porn. I've been able to exercise a little more, get more work done, get to bed on time. Porn used to make me late for everything. Without that stupid distraction, I've found I'm already a better person. Can someone change that much in 13 days? I read somewhere that when a man walks with God, he never stops changing. What I feel inside me is a desire to change. Maybe my heart hasn't changed at all - yet. Maybe my time without porn has simply given me something else to think about. I find myself wanting to be a different person. More in shape, more in tune with God, more wife-and-work oriented (There's a certain balance I'm trying to achieve in this area. I feel I give work more attention than my wife sometimes. Ten hour days, occasional weekend work - I often don't think to do the nice things I used to do for my wife.) My struggle with porn, I've found, is also a struggle to change who I am. I don't like looking at random women and lusting over them. I don't like cheating myself out of a wonerful relationship with my wife. That's what porn does.

I really appreciate the comments that have been left here. It's good to know I'm not the only one struggling and that people - people I've never met - care about me and my addiction. Continue to pray for me, as I have prayed for you. God bless!